Working relationships can be quite challenging at times, and we often spend a great deal of energy thinking about how the other person should change and how we can best coach them. However, the best advice I've received is to focus on my own growth rather than trying to change them.

When we are stressed, we display behaviors that hurt relationships and do nothing to improve things. We are critical, transactional, controlling, rigid, aggressive, defensive, and bossy. Whereas when we feel good about ourselves, we warm to others and listen. We are encouraging, curious, flexible, composed, supportive…and relational.

Of course, sometimes the other person really does need to change. But again, if you are stressed, the ‘learning’ conversation will be a waste of time because you will be experienced as an adversary. Conversely, if you feel good about yourself, you will find you have more influence, and the relationship will improve.

As one of my coaches put it, this strange alchemy occurs such that when I feel fine about myself, the problem with the other person largely disappears